Balance and the True Meaning of Success

All too often, "success" appears to be defined by people in terms of net worth, or worse, possessions. This takes into account nothing related to family and relationships. My position is that the successful journey down The Road to Gumption involves reaching a person's desired work life balance, and being able to create valuable relationships with loved ones and family (LOAF, as I call it).

What I don't have much time for is listening to people boast about their success, when it's plain as day that the quality of their LOAF relationships are low. One example in our area is a mother who constantly chatters about the latest purchases she and her husband have made. There's not a thing that goes unmentioned, if they've bought it. This includes the myriad of private classes or lessons that their two very young children are completely overscheduled in.

In fact, it's so bad, that if you were to ask the mother the casual question "What's new?", her answer would be to name all of things that she's bought new since you last saw her. And she'll tell you all of the things they're considering buying in the near future as well. Whether or not you ask.

What this mother does not say much about is what her two young daughters have done, learned, communicated, shared, or given back to her in joy. That's because this woman's primary perspective is from the financial and material points of view. She doesn't say much about her daughters' desire to read, because reading with her daughters doesn't make the parents look more successful or affluent. But she will say what she's purchased for her daughters, especially if she can name the high-end stores that she bought those things from.

Her husband works long hours and apparently does bring in the cash. But he hardly spends any time with their girls during the week, and on weekends will often take off by himself because, according to his wife, "he's tired and needs to rest." This is also a guy who went on a non-essential trip by himself just four days after the birth of their second child. He seems to subscribe to the materialistic success metric as well, having said that his wife "is so great because she surprises me by buying something new every day."

Yet, this mother has been heard to say, "We're very successful, doing well, even saving for retirement though we don't need to yet." And "I have a successful marriage, and two kids." But the fact that her LOAF relationships appear to be weak is unimportant to her or her husband. What's important appears to be how much they can purchase, spend, acquire, and show.

This is definitely more of an extreme case, but it serves as a reminder to not get caught up in the possessions race. In the long run, most 2- to 5-year-olds don't really care what kind of car they're riding in, how big their house is, what label is on their clothes, how many lessons they're signed up for, or how many times they've shopped at high-end retailers. They just want to be able to spend time with mommy and daddy and know that they're safe and loved.

Keep your eyes on the Road! ... to Gumption.